Marriage is a Private Affair

1.) Introduction

Marriage is a Private Affair is a Story about a Father named Okeke who is trying to find his son a wife who will suit him. Little did he know that he wanted to Marry someone else who his father did not approve of. This leads to some judgement coming from his father as he feels his son could choose somebody better that is from his tribe that he feel will make him happy. Marriage is something that is treasured deeply and is held to a certain standard in many countries, and  In this Literary Analysis I will be breaking down this story and going in depth on how seemingly important Marriage and who you Marry is in some cultures. He really took it so far to the point where he basically disowned his son, and wanted nothing to do with his wife or their marriage. While many feel that he is definitely wrong for his accusations and the way he acted toward his son and wife, we must remember that this is his religion that he believes strongly in.

2.) Analyzing the Theme

By the title of the story, I’m sure we can guess that the theme probably has something to do with Marriage and how important it is. I personally believe that the theme is, Marriage is something that although it is important and sacred in most religions and cultures, should not be something that is decided for the people to be married, thus supporting the title of the story. Marriage is the unity of a Man and a Woman, and is mostly decided by true love for one another. This is not something that should be decided by someone who is not feeling what they are, being married to a complete stranger who you do not know or truly have feelings for. The son went against his father’s wishes and chose someone outside of his tribe. They went on for many years separated and did not talk with one another. This was until his son’s wife wrote him a letter explaining that they had children. These children are the symbol of the story to me, because in a way they represent the love that the the Father’s son and his wife had for each other, and they are also the turning point for the Father’s hate and pride. While many people were happy for his son and wife, he shunned them, and disconnected them from his life. However, would he ever do the same thing to children who don’t know him? Could he be that heartless? These are all things to wonder as the story draws to a close. None the less, it’s a touching moment when he comes to find out he has grand kids, and actually considers letting the family back into his life.

3.) Analyzing the Setting

The story takes place in a city called Lagos which is located in a remote country, that is home to a couple of tribes. I believe the setting takes place close to the modern day century, as they describe large cities and metropolitan areas, although they speak very traditionally and also follow certain rituals and rules. This tribe seems to  be very focused on religion and the different virtues and norms that must be followed, particularly the main character’s father who was absolutely stunned when he told him who he wanted to marry. The mood in the beginning seems very calm but then turns into a bit of suspense when we find out the son must tell his father something important. After that the mood becomes very sad and disappointing as we watch the process of the Father being so cold and heartless to his son and wife, basically due to the fact that he married someone from not only a different tribe, a tribe that is a rival to the one the Father and Son belong to. Towards the end however, you begin to notice a change in the mood and it starts becoming happier yet still suspenseful as we’re stuck wondering if the Father will allow his grandchildren and son back into his life, and perhaps also his wife, the person he shunned the most.

4.)

The rising action of the story begins when we come to the exchange of our main character Nnaemeka and a woman named Nene. They are talking about telling Nnaemeka’s father some news that he’s afraid to speak on, this makes the reader wonder what it is that’s so important that he must tell him. We then come to find out about some sort of engagement that is happening between Nnaemeka and Nenel, and that his people or members of his tribe will be upset at the fact that this engagement and marriage was not arranged by them. Soon enough we come to the meeting between Nnaemeka and his father and before he could explain anything, his father comes out and tells him that he’s found him a wife that will suit him perfectly because he has all the attributes he feels his son should have in a wife. His son then finally comes out and tells him that he wants to Marry Nenel, which is the thing that has been on his heart most of the day. We can figure that his father is not amused by this one bit, and begins to shun him as he is disappointed and upset with his choice of who he wants to be with.

Minor Conflicts(3)

1.) One minor conflict of the story includes the very beginning with Nnaemeka talking to Nenel about what he wants to tell his father. He’s having an internal conflict or a character vs. himself type of conflict because he is afraid of what his father will say and how he is going to react to telling him who he wants to Marry. He feels as if he’s going to disown him or shun him which he almost does to him which is what he almost does to him. This is one of the main conflicts that leads to the major conflict in the story later on as we keep reading.

2.) Another conflict taking place in this story line includes the conversation that the father has with the people of Lagos. They for some reason think his son is sick and infected with something, and believes he should take medicine because of the choice he made to go against both his father’s and the tribes rituals and norms. They bring their religion into the explanation as they say sons shall rise against their fathers, which is something spoken of in their holy book/bible. They begin to blame Nenel for his “wrong doings” against the tribe, further increasing their dislike for her which is something that I believe is unfair. All this and more continue to fuel his father’s dislike for both his son and his wife even after six months pass.

3.) The final conflict is at the end of the story when Nnaemeke’s father finds out that he has grandchildren after his his wife writes him a letter. This is yet another internal conflict/character vs.self  conflict as his pride wants to keep them away because they did not follow the rules of their culture, but at the same time his heart ends up starting to get the best of him as he feels it would be horribly wrong to deny seeing children and being so cruel to them. He would be inviting not only his grandchildren but his son back into his life, and finding it in his heart to maybe even let Nenel into his life after being so cruel and cold to their family for so many years.

The Story’s Climax and Resolution:

The Climax of the story begins when Okeke, Nnaemeke’s Father receives a letter from Nenel. He doesn’t want to read it knowing it’s from the woman who in his mind, stole his son from him and diseased him. At this point, it’s been about eight years since he has spoken to or seen his son and even told him that he didn’t want him in his house. Despite his pride, he began to read the letter and found out that he has grandchildren, and begins to wonder if it would be right to deny them to see their grandfather, as he absolutely wanted nothing to do with Nnaemeke’s marriage or family. But is it really right to treat them with such cruelty and harshness he wonders? Nenel even volunteered to stay home as they visit, to avoid prejudice he might have against her. The end of the story or the resolution comes to a close with him contemplating about letting them into his house, both his grandsons and his son after he said he didn’t want him there. A quote at the end of the story specifically says, “That night he hardly slept, from remorse—and a vague fear that he might die without  making it up to them.” This assures us that he truly took it into consideration and that he actually might put this prejudice and animosity behind him and meet these children and his son again.

Point Of View! (P.O.V.)

Marriage is a Private Affair is a story that takes place in the 3rd Person perspective. Not only is this 3rd person, but this is also multiple due to the fact that we are following the characters along with the fact they are speaking. Not only the main characters are speaking, but the villagers are as well. One example of the characters communicating include one part in the beginning when Nnaemeke is speaking to Nenel, “Have you written to your dad yet?” asked Nene1 one afternoon as she sat with  Nnaemeka in her room at 16 Kasanga Street, Lagos. The exchange between his Father and himself is also an example of 3rd person multiple “Father,” began Nnaemeka suddenly, “I have come to ask for forgiveness.”  “Forgiveness? For what, my son?” he asked in amazement. “It’s about this marriage question.”  “Which marriage question?” “I can’t—we must—I mean it is impossible for me to marry Nweke’s daughter.”  “Impossible? Why?” asked his father. “I don’t love her.”  “Nobody said you did. Why should you?” he asked. “Marriage today is different . . .” . This is also where we begin to notice the friction and prejudice developing in his father. We also know how the characters are feeling throughout the story, as we witness Nenel sobbing at the letter Nneameke’s father wrote to them. Towards the end also, we witness a breakthrough from Okeke as he wonders if it will be right to forbid his grandchildren from his house like he did his son. “That night he hardly slept, from remorse—and a vague fear that he might die without  making it up to them.” There are many more examples that support the 3rd person perspective, these are only a few.

Characterization:

Okeke is one of the main characters of the story who is the father of Nnaemeke. He happens to be very religious and holds high expectations to his son. He wants his son to marry a woman that he picked out for him because that seems to be a tradition for their religion, and then when his son came to him about another woman he wants to marry, he ended developing a strong prejudice against his wife and marriage. Okeke is a round character, though he may seem as if he is a flat character throughout the course of the story, because of the fact that he shunned his son and his wife. He did not want them in his life, and blames Nenel for essentially “poisoning” his sons mind which I believe is unfair. He is also a dynamic character, because he essentially goes through a big change at the end of the story and has a epiphany. This epiphany happens when he realizes that he has grandchildren, and wonders how wrong he would be for denying them like he denied his son. The one who caused this realization to happen was Nenel, after she wrote him a letter explaining what has been happening these last eight years of their life. This is what sets him apart from other characters like his son, who is a static and flat character because he doesn’t really change that much if at all. Though it has broken his heart that his father could do such a thing, he still remained kind-hearted and gentle natured, and believed one day his father would change, even after eight years of not speaking and being apart. Some indirect characterization that describes Okeke includes the beginning of the story that talks about him wanting the best for his son, which means he cares about him. he thought he found him a certain wife, but due to who he decided to pick and the fact that he even picked a wife for himself against his father’s wishes shows how religious he is, and the fact that he practically disowned him for so long showed how prideful he was. The end of the story also proves that he does have some sort of heart, when he considers how horrible it could be for him to deny seeing his grandchildren. We can determine from all this information that Okeke is kind of caring, yet very prideful and cares a lot for his religion. He is also one of the only if not the only dynamic/ round character in the story.

What about some Irony?:

Marriage is a Private Affair does not have an abundance of irony, but we can identify some examples of it. One in particular in the beginning is dramatic irony. This is right before Nnaekeme tells his Father that he wants to Marry Nenel, and not the woman that was picked out for him. This is a form of dramatic Irony, we know something that the character doesn’t, and in this case, we know that Nneameke is about to tell his father some important news. Right at this sentence, “Father,” began Nnaemeka suddenly, “I have come to ask for forgiveness.”  “Forgiveness? For what, my son?” he asked in amazement.” we know what his father doesn’t, which is what makes this a perfect example of why this is dramatic. Another example of irony is the title itself. In the story, Marriage to these people is something that isn’t exactly a private affair, because you have people (particularly parents) choosing your significant other for you, which in my opinion is not something that is exactly private. Nnaemeke says this himself when talking to his father, “I can’t—we must—I mean it is impossible for me to marry Nweke’s daughter.”  “Impossible? Why?” asked his father. “I don’t love her.”  “Nobody said you did. Why should you?” he asked. “Marriage today is different . . .”. Marriage is certainty not something that should be decided by someone else, it should be decided by the people who are choosing to get married themselves, as they are the ones who are choosing to spend their lives together.

Symbolism:

The main symbol of this story in my opinion would be Nneameke and Nenel’s children. Though they are not mentioned till close to the end of the story, when Nenel wrote a letter to Okeke insisting that he see them. The letter states, “Our two sons, from the day they learnt that they have a grandfather, have insisted on  being taken to him. I find it impossible to tell them that you will not see them. I implore  you to allow Nnaemeka to bring them home for a short time during his leave next month. I shall remain here in Lagos . . .” At this point Okeke ends up having a realization, I believe that they symbolize the true love that they have for one another. Generally, children are not conceived unless the mother and the father are really in love with one another, this is what I believe that children symbolize not only in this story, but also universally. I also believe that they symbolize the turning point in his prejudice feelings for the family. Is it really right to deny children like he did his son? Should he let him back into his life after he seemingly “betrayed him”? These are all questions he seemed to wonder. He even went to sleep that night wondering if he’ll die before he’s able to see them again. It was the realization he needed to see that marriage really is a private affair and probably something he shouldn’t interfere in, and that maybe religion shouldn’t be tied in with that of true love.

What are my Final Thoughts on this story?:

I’m a very big romantic fan and I’m quite a sucker for a good love story. That’s the kind of person that I believe would enjoy this. I enjoyed reading and found it to be very touching and it also delivered a good message that love is not something that should be decided by someone else, though still in some countries and religions that is still the norm. The ending of this story was pretty ambitious, as we wonder if Okeke will be letting his son into his life and seeing his grandchildren for the first time. This also was a short story and did good for it’s length, however I personally wish it was a bit longer, so we could learn more about what happened in the eight years that Okeke and Nneameke were separated  from one another. Also, though the ending did a good job of making us wonder what happened with the family, I would’ve loved to see what would’ve happened with them all, and would also enjoyed seeing Okeke interact with Nenel, that’s just a nitpick, but being left hanging isn’t my thing. The message of the story should be something we should all take to heart, Love is not something that should be decided by someone else, as you are not the one who you have to spend the next twenty years with.